Always Surprise Your Audience
by Raindropsonroses99
Summary: What starts off as a simple prank soon becomes full-blown war! (Looking for a Beta Reader)
1. Chapter 1

**So yeah, I was browsing prompts and came across this one. Of course, I had to write it into existence! Anyway, for those of you expecting a deep, moving drama, you've come to the wrong place. ;P**

 **Oh, and please suggest ideas for future pranks, because I have seven more chapters to write! Thanks for reading!**

000

"Victor?" Yuuri Katsuki could not believe what he was seeing. He stepped out of the bathroom, shook his head, and walked back in to confirm with his eyes what his brain said was impossible.

"VICTOR!" He called again, louder.

"Yes, my little piggy?" The man in question poked his head around the door with an innocent look plastered on his face. Too innocent.

"Why are there _fish_ in the sink?" Yuuri pursed his lips. Indeed, the sink had been plugged and filled with water, inside of which were two goldfish. As though the fish weren't enough, the makeshift tank also featured neon pebbles, a decorative log, and some sort of waterweed. Under any other circumstances, Yuuri might have appreciated his coach's eye for design, but not when its product was currently taking over the bathroom sink.

"April fools!" Victor burst into a fit of laughter, clearly taken with his own ingenuity.

"Victor, it's the middle of February." Yuuri sighed watching his housemate in confusion as he convulsed on the cool tile floor.

"Exactly!" Victor picked himself up, brushing nonexistent dust from his thin sweater, "That's why it's so funny! You must always surprise your audience, Yuuri, isn't that what I always tell you?"

"I'm not so sure that applies here," Yuuri folded his arm, brows furrowed in exasperation, "It's not April Fools if it's not April First, so technically it's just a prank."

"Hey, I have an idea! Let's have a prank war!" Victor cried with growing enthusiasm, "It'll be so much fun! Pleeeeeeeeaseeeeeeeee?"

"I don't know, do we really have time for that?" Yuuri mustered all the strength within him to not give in to his idols, albeit childish, pleas.

"I'm your coach, and I say we do." Suddenly, Yuuri could feel Victors hot breath against the shell of his ear, "You wouldn't really deny your fiancé this one thing, would you?"

 _Fiancé_. The word still sounded so strange, especially when the word was spoken by his childhood role model. Yuuri had thought he was joking that night with the other skaters at dinner when he announced their impending marriage following Yuuri's gold medal win. That was, until Yuuri walked away from the Grand Prix with a silver medal, and his coach made sure that he knew just how serious he had been.

Yuuri fingered the ring on his right hand at the memory. He had since moved to Russia with the man to continue his training while Victor made his return to the world of pro figure skating. It was almost as surreal as the sultry blue gaze still locked onto his own. Almost.

"Fine," He conceded as nonchalantly as possible, though Victor's overwhelming closeness was quickly undoing him, "But just for this week."

"Great!" Victor pulled away, beaming, "We begin in two days!"

"Okay." Yuuri slipped past his fiancé, head spinning from his abrupt change in demeanor, "In the meantime, figure out somewhere else to keep the fish."

"Wait, you mean you're not going to help me?" the silver-haired skater's voice trailed behind him, "Where am I supposed to put them?"

"A fish bowl, preferably," Yuuri replied, ignoring the desperation in his coach's voice. He chuckled as Victors groans faded. Shutting the door to his bedroom, he immediately went for his laptop.

"Always surprise your audience, eh?" he murmured, fingers dancing on the keys. He would need to be prepared for the coming week.

000

"Come on, please?" Yuuri begged.

"Not a chance in hell, Pork Cutlet Bowl." Yuri Plisetsky, or Yurio as he had come to be known, growled, taking a deep drink from his water bottle. Yuuri had managed to pull him aside during a water break, so as not to disturb the volatile fifteen-year-old too much during practice.

"It will just be for one night!" Yuuri's pleas were all met with cold aversion.

"Give me one good reason why I should help you." His rivals green eyes blazed as they challenged Yuuri's resolve.

"Well, ah Victor and I are sort of having a prank war." If it had been anyone else saying it, Yuuri was certain it would have sounded bad-ass. When he said it, he was certain it just sounded lame.

"What sort of prank did you gave in mind?" Yurio's face was hidden by a mop of blonde hair as he stared at his skates. Yuuri paused. He had been researching prank ideas long after the distorted sounds of Victor's fish-rehousing faded into the night.

"Well, I thought it would be funny if I blocked the hallway to his room with little cups of water so he couldn't get out without-"

"And you need me to keep Makkachin for the night so that he won't screw it up?" Yurio leered, though he seemed to be warming up to the idea.

"Well, yeah, if it's not too much trouble." Yuuri stuttered.

"No, we must think bigger." Yurio flashed a devious smirked, "put them all over his room while he is out and then he will have to remove them all before he can sleep."

"Put what all over whose room?" A voice asked over Yuuri's shoulder. He whirled around to face Mila Babicheva.

"I wasn't talking to you, hag!" Yurio spat, glaring in the redhead's direction.

"Oh, that's not very nice, I'm just trying to help." She pouted, leaning casually against the boards, "Besides, I happen to be quite the prankster myself."

"Oh yeah?" Yurio challenged, "Give me one example."

"Who do you think gave Georgi the idea of wearing makeup during his short program?" She winked at Yuuri, who had covered his mouth to keep from laughing out loud at the memory. Even Yurio's signature mask of disdain cracked, however briefly.

"Well, Victor and I are having a prank war, and I was just asking Yurio if he would take Makkachin for the night so-"

"Wait, won't Victor suspect something if Makkachin isn't at your apartment?" Mila cut him off. Yurio's frown deepened as Yuuri considered this. She had a point.

"Okay, what if we put shaving cream on top of cupcakes instead of frosting?"

"We want to prank him, not kill him!"

"What if we put seeds in his desktop keyboard so that grass grows?"

"Wait, when did this become a 'we' thing?"

"That would take too long. Plus, he'd probably notice that."

"Okay, I got it! Let's put blue food-coloring in his toothbrush so that when he goes to brush his teeth-"

"Hey guys!" Victor interrupted with a good-natured grin.

"Looks like we should get back to practice!" Mila cried, skating hastily away with Yurio in tow, but not before casting Yuuri a look which clearly stated 'this isn't over'.

"What's with them?" Victor cocked his head in confusion as Yurio struggled against Mila's vice-like grip.

"No idea," Yuuri shrugged, "They're right, we should get back to practice, too."

Perhaps his newfound partners in crime could give him a leg-up in the competition.

000

 **Later chapters will probably be longer, since this update is mostly set-up for the main event. Thanks again for reading, and don't forget to submit ideas for future pranks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, it's not as long as I had hoped for it to be. I'm focusing so much on later chapters, I forgot that I had to write these next two! Oops.**

 **Anyway, thanks for your ideas, they've been super helpful so far! Keep 'em coming! ;P Thanks for reading!**

000

 _ **Day 1**_

He knew exactly what Yurio was going to say. Even _he_ knew that it was a dumb idea, but Yuuri couldn't think of anything better he could use to prank his coach. Suddenly, his phone pinged.

 _That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard._ It was a text from Yurio. _Who's dumb enough to fall for that?_

Yuuri sighed. He had been researching prank ideas for the last hour, all the while consulting Mila and Yurio.

 _How would a cockroach even_ get _under a lampshade?_ Yuuri frowned before texting back.

Yuuri: _It's not an actual cockroach, it's just a silhouette. When he turns the light on, it will look like there's a giant bug in his lamp._

It would never work, but he had to try _something_. _Ping_.

Yuuri heard the apartment lock turn. Scrambling to his feet, he shot for the desk he and Victor shared. He tried his best to act natural as the door swung open. Yurio would have to wait.

"Yuuriiiiiiiiii!" Victor chorused from the front door, "I brought dinner!"

"Awesome!" Yuuri rose to greet his housemate, "Where from?"

"Uh, Greek I think." The older man smiled absentmindedly.

"You _think_?" Yuuri cocked an eyebrow.

"Hey, I had a lot on my mind, okay!" Victor set the bag down on the counter next to the fishbowl. There had been a lengthy debate on what to name the two goldfish, which still had yet to be resolved. Earlier in the day, Victor had suggested 'Instagram and Snapchat', which Yuuri subsequently rejected. Thus, the fish remained nameless.

"This isn't another prank, is it?" Yuuri's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Surely his coach wouldn't go so far as to mess with his food on the first day of their prank war!

"I would never! What kind of person do you think I am?" He made an over-dramatic I'm-disappointed-that-you-would-even-consider-that face.

"Yeah, I could believe it." Yuuri said, unimpressed, "I'm going to take a shower, I'll eat later."

Ignoring Victors whines of protest, Yuuri trudged out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. He sighed as he shut the door; he never should have agreed to this.

The shower turned on with a satisfying 'whoosh', filling the small room with steam. His clothing fell to the floor with soft thumps, Yuuri gasped as the cool air hit his skin.

Back in Hasetsu, he usually thought best in the hot springs and on the ice. Since neither was an option now, a shower would have to do. Relishing in the warm water, Yuuri reviewed the events of the last day. He and Victor had lain out the rules; each skater could prank the other once per day, no pranks that could cause physical damage or damage to the apartment, and no involving others in the execution of a prank.

Yuuri had promptly retreated to his bedroom following their agreement to consult Mila and Yurio. Most of Mila's suggestions included encasing Victors possessions in jell-o, after which Yurio would make snide side-comments about the amount of Netflix the redhead watched.

The fifteen-year-old himself didn't seem to be interested in contributing ideas to the cause, though he had no problem shooting ideas down. Yuuri had begun to suspect that he only wanted involvement so that he had an excuse to mock the Japanese skater.

Yuuri sighed, turning the shower off. He had two co-conspirators on his side and he _still_ probably wouldn't manage to catch his coach off-guard. He reached for his glassed, which fogged up almost immediately from being in such close proximity to his still-warm skin. Wrapping a towel around his waist, Yuuri ventured into the hallway, in the direction of his bedroom, only to realize that the door was shut. _That's odd,_ he thought, fumbling with the handle, _I could have sworn I left it open._

He dressed in silence, all the time wondering when Victor would discover the 'gift' he had planted in his lamp. Yuuri's stomach growled and he remembered that he still hadn't eaten. _We'll just need to fix that, now, won't we?_

Victor was no longer in the kitchen, presumably he had retreated to his bedroom to sulk after Yuuri's firm rejection. The kitchen still smelled of spices, so he couldn't have been gone long. He had even left Yuuri's dinner out for him.

Since no one else was around, Yuuri decided to eat in his room. He had been meaning to skype with Pichit, among other things. Setting the Styrofoam container down on his desk, Yuuri moved to sit in his chair. Perhaps he could multitas- _PHEEET!_

Yuuri shrieked, the unexpected noise causing him to fall to the floor in surprise. He could hear his heart beating wildly in his ears and his lungs fought to escape his chest. _What was that?_

When he could move again, Yuuri peeked under the desk chair. An airhorn had been crudely attached to its underside with duct tape, no doubt Victor's handiwork. The silver-haired Russian's laughter drifted into Yuuri's bedroom.

Cursing under his breath, the Japanese man freed the airhorn from its sticky prison and tossed it toward the wastebasket. It missed. Yuuri groaned, rising on wobbly legs to retrieve the offending noisemaker. But what was that stuck to his foot?

Yuuri peeled a piece of paper off of his foot, only to realize that it was the cockroach silhouette that he had planted in his roommates lampshade. ' _Nice try ;P_ ' the man had written on the back. It, too, was promptly tossed into the wastebasket.

Yuuri fell back onto his bed with an exasperated sigh. Not even twenty-four hours into the competition and he had already let his coach down. His phone buzzed in his pocket; a text from Yurio.

Yurio: _Look, do whatever, I don't care. Just watch your back. Victor can be a sneaky bastard when he wants to be._

Yuuri rolled over and yelled his frustration into a pillow. Victor Nikiforov was proving to be a formidable adversary, both on and off the ice.

000

 **So now I have two fish to name. Suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks again for reading, and don't forget to submit ideas for future pranks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**_I had a time with this chapter, let me tell you. Gotta love that writers block, amiright?_**

 ** _Anyway, keep submitting prank suggestions! I read them all and all I can say is that the next few chapters are going to be fun. ;P_**

 ** _Thanks for reading and reviewing!_**

000

 ** _Day 2_**

"Does he not notice?"

"Knowing Victor, it could just be some new attention ploy."

"Well it's certainly a… um… look."

Yuuri couldn't help but sulk at the utter failure his most recent prank had been. In fact, his coach seemed to relish in the attention he was being given.

"I thought he had given up the whole androgyny thing."

"With Victor, who knows?"

The man was currently on the ice, practicing his short program. Always the picture of elegance, Victor had chosen 'phoenix' for his theme in homage to his return to men's figure skating as a competitor. Yuuri could see it now as his coach rose into a triple salchow, the majestic creature rising from the ashes to glow brighter than it ever had before. The intensity in Victor's eyes alone was enough to evoke the fantastical bird's image. That, and that he had talons.

"Fake nails, huh?" Mila smirked beside Yuuri, "It was a creative idea, I'll give you that."

"No, it was a terrible idea!" The Japanese man groaned, crestfallen, "It's like he doesn't even notice they're there!"

"Come on, it's not _that_ bad." Mila said in a voice that was supposed to sound reassuring but came across more condescending, "I mean, it was better than the cockroach thing."

"Thanks Mila." Yuuri said drily.

"Why did you even have those?" The angry voice behind him had to be Yurio.

"I went to the drug store across the street from our apartment." Yuuri explained, "I actually found a few things I could use later on in the week."

"Like what?" Yurio challenged as Victor skated toward them.

"Hey, guys!" He grinned, still panting from practice.

"What's with the claws?" Yurio sneered, "Or are you just that into your theme?"

"Oh, these?" Victor flaunted his hand so that the crimson monstrosities were in full view, "Yuuri gave me an impromptu manicure last night. He's such a great fiancé!" He then proceeded to pull the man in question into a tight hug.

"Victor!" Yuuri tried to escape his coach's grip, "Your nails are stabbing me!"

"Sorry, little piggy, but I'm still getting used to them." He squeezed tighter.

"Get a room, you two!" Yurio, never having been one for public displays of affection, spat in disgust before turning tail and exiting the ice.

"I have to agree with him on this one." Mila winked at Yuuri as though to say 'good luck'.

000

The alarms started at 11:30 that night.

At first, the incessant beeping was only mildly annoying. Yuuri hauled himself out of bed in search of the noise's source.

Then, just as suddenly as the beeping began, it stopped. And so Yuuri simply went back to binging on Netflix, but not ten minutes later, the sound continued.

After the third or fourth cycle, Yuuri closed his laptop and focused all of his attention on finding the source of the sound.

He first checked underneath his bed. He managed to find a sock which he thought had gone missing, but nothing which could make the beeping noise. Then it stopped again, and he had to wait for it to start back up before he could look further.

Three cycles later and Yuuri had checked his bedside table, his closet, and his dresser. He had even gone through his laundry basket- anywhere that Victor could have stuck the noisemaker- but he came up empty.

Just as Yuuri was about to give up his search, a thought struck him. The beeping began again. He glanced up at the air vent above him. Clambering on top of his dresser, Yuuri peered into the vent. Surely Victor couldn't have?

But, just as he feared, the noise grew louder the nearer he drew to the opening in the ceiling. What felt like a million questions flew through Yuuri's dumbfounded brain. When had Victor found time to plant the object without Yuuri noticing? How had he opened the vent? Had he seen the pile of dirty clothes on the floor next to the bed?

The first order of business would have to be finding a screwdriver. The grate was sealed as tightly as it had ever been, which surely meant that there had to be one somewhere in the apartment. He dismounted the dresser with a yawn, venturing into the darkened hallway.

He lost count of how many alarms it took for him to search what felt like every drawer in the apartment, but the clock above the oven announced that it was now 2am. Yuuri sighed, wanting nothing more than to sink into the floor and sleep for an eternity.

Just then, he saw it; a drawer in the desk. Hope. Grasping the handle with newfound tenacity, he slid the drawer open. There, amid the miscellaneous papers, highlighters, and pens, lay the tiniest screwdriver Yuuri had ever laid eyes on. _In case you ever need to fix your glasses – Vitya._

He was taunting him! Yuuri wanted to cry. He wanted to scream his frustration to the entire apartment complex.

Instead, he stalked back into his bedroom to confront the beeping. He paced. He checked the vent again, but it was still stuck fast. He yawned a few more times, praying for some miracle to allow him sleep. Alas, no such miracle manifested, and Yuuri still could not rest in his own room.

 _Fine, I'll just sleep on the couch, then._ Yuuri hauled the comforter off of his bed and ventured into the living room. He flicked the lights on, blinking bleary-eyed at the barren couch before him. It had been devoid of any cushions, leaving only a cold metal frame.

In fact, it seemed that Victor had removed anything even remotely comfortable from the apartment. Nothing remained which could constitute a bed, unless Yuuri fancied sleeping on the countertop with the fish (who had yet to be named after Victor rejected 'Silver' and 'Gold').

And so Yuuri was forced to swallow his pride and ask Victor to stop the noise. The slap of his bare feet on the hardwood floors echoed throughout the apartment, punctuated by the soft drag of his comforter behind him.

"Victor!" He rapped on the door. Under different circumstances, he would have simply barged in, but his housemate had a habit of sleeping nude and Yuuri didn't want to invade his privacy. No response.

"Victor!" He knocked again, louder this time. Still nothing. He continued knocking- if Yuuri would not be afforded sleep, then neither was his coach.

Five minutes later saw Yuuri with bruised knuckles and a significantly soured expression. Then, the beeping started again. Yuuri kicked the door in frustration, his groan turning into a guttural gasp of pain as his big toe made contact. Exhausted, angry, and now in pain, Yuuri limped back to his bedroom, accepting defeat. For now, anyway.

000

 **I would say that it shouldn't be too long before the next chapter gets uploaded, but then I wait like two months. So yeah just keep** **submitting** **ideas, it really helps me out. ;P**

 **Until next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

Day 3

"I don't know how much longer I can keep this up." Yuuri moaned. He leaned forward in the barstool on which he sat. The cool granite of the breakfast bar was beginning to look deceptively comfortable.

"Uh oh, looks like someone didn't get very much sleep last night!" Victor's feet slapped the hardwood floor as he approached. Yuuri sighed warily. The Russian had always been a morning person, but today he seemed particularly chipper, and it was already beginning to grate on Yuuri's sanity.

"Yeah, no thanks to you." He mumbled into his cereal, "By the way, this is yours." He set a silver object onto the counter with a solid thump. Yuuri had been a desperate man when he raided the utensil drawer at 4 am. It had taken him another hour to remove the grate from the ceiling and retrieve the source of the unyielding buzzing. He just hoped that Victor wouldn't miss the now-bent knife and mangled spoon which had been the instruments of his success.

"Oh hey! You found my alarm clock!" Yuuri could almost feel the smug grin creep on his housemates face.

"I hate to be _that_ guy," Yuuri lifted his head to glare at the man smirking before him, "But don't you think setting one alarm every ten minutes was a bit overkill?"

"You could have just turned it off." Victor shrugged, plucking an orange out of a bowl on the counter.

"I _tried_ ," Yuuri frowned, "But the instructions are written in Russian!"

"Ah, it seems they are!" Victors grin widened without sparing the clock a glance.

"You planned this whole thing out, didn't you?" The younger man lamented, resuming his position slumped over his breakfast. Victor's methodical eyes bored holes into him as he debated how to proceed.

"Well clearly we're not going to get anywhere training you when you're like this," Victor said after a moment, "Set an alarm and sleep for a bit, then meet me at the ice rink at 10, okay- eh, Yuuri?"

Victor had barely finished speaking when Yuuri flopped onto the couch, fast asleep. He had never been more grateful to close his eyes.

000

 _Buzz, Buzz._

 _Buzz, Buzz._

Yuuri blinked, squinting against the bright light of his phone. He tilted the device, only to realize that he had five missed calls.

"Wha-"Yuuri rubbed a bleary eye and peered closer. It was 2:00.

"CRAP!" He sprang to his feet, wide awake. He didn't bother to so much as check his appearance as he grabbed his coat and shoes and ran from the apartment. He caught a few strange glances as he dashed down the street. _I must still look pretty terrible_ , Yuuri realized, mussing his hair to hide any traces of bed-head. Unfortunately, there wasn't a whole lot he could do about the dark circles under his eyes.

When he finally arrived at the Ice Rink, Yuuri noticed more odd behavior from his fellow skaters. A group of women standing by the front desk whispered, glancing in his direction every so often. In the locker room, he could hear snickering as he laced his skates. A young woman said something snide in Russian as he stepped out onto the ice. Yuuri cursed his coach's name for convincing him to participate in his little game. His obvious lack of sleep had made him the laughing stock of the rink.

"Yuuri! You made it!" Victor skated in his direction.

"I'm so sorry I'm late! I must have over slept!" Yuuri could feel his ears burn in shame.

"Never mind that, let's start practice." There didn't seem to be a trace of anger on Victors face. Yuuri hadn't even been scolded for the infraction. _Okay, that's strange._

"Let's start with your short program." Yuuri sighed at the announcement. The program included a combination spin, which he had been having trouble with.

His skates slid on the ice as he found a spot where he wouldn't take others down with him if he fell. He took a deep breath before curving his path to gain the momentum needed to meet the required number of rotations. Crouching slightly to tighten the spin, he lifted his right leg and thrust his arms out behind him to stay balanced. A near perfect camel spin.

"Straighten that back leg!" Victor's voice bounced off of the walls. Yuuri complied, curling his body while twisting the same leg so that it stuck out in front of him. He grasped his ankle to maintain the difficult shape. His left thigh and calf screamed in agony at the focused attention the move put on them. The flying sit-spin was always where he screwed up.

"Tuck your head in!" Yuuri grimaced, but he obeyed nonetheless. He tried to rise from his position but before he could gain two inches, his leg trembled and he found himself lying on his back.

"Ow," He groaned, gingerly rubbing the back of his skull. He had no doubt there would be a nasty bump there later. Skates ground against the ice as his coach rushed toward him.

"Yuuri! Are you okay?" Victor's concerned face came into view. His silver hair fell away from his face, giving Yuuri a clear view of his captivating blue eyes.

"Yeah. I'm fine," Yuuri mumbled, grasping his coach's waiting hand and hoisting himself off the ice, "I don't think I'm flexible enough for this."

"You've landed this move before," Victor frowned, "You did it in that video of you skating my 'Stay Close to Me' routine."

Yuuri couldn't help but cringe at the memory. The triplets had uploaded a video of him skating the routine just last year, and it had gone viral. He couldn't go online for weeks afterword for fear of seeing it. The internet, alas, seemed to take delight in his mortification. People created fan art and edits; Yuuri even stumbled upon a few remixes, including version in which the beat was replaced with short clips of him falling on the ice (this one Mari in particular found amusing).

Whatever Yuuri thought, he knew that much of his good fortune in the past year could be attributed to the incident. If the girls never posted the video, Victor never would have flown all the way from Russia to coach him. He would never have walked away from the Grand Prix Final with a silver medal. Yuuri may have quit skating all together. And he certainly wouldn't be in his current predicament.

"Barely! I didn't have to tuck my head in as far." Yuuri protested, "I get dizzy and lose my balance."

"Hm," Victor tilted his head back, deep in thought, "Hey Yurio! Come here for a sec!"

"Wait wha-"But the fifteen year old was already half way to them, a stormy look in his eyes.

"What do you want, old man?" He spat, folding his arms across his skinny chest.

"You landed a flying sit-spin in your 'Agape' program last season, right?" Yuuri did not like where this conversation was going.

" _Da_." The teenager looked just as suspicious, "You should know, you choreographed it."

"I did." Victor conceded with a smile that confirmed Yuuri's suspicions that neither of them were going to like what he was about to say. "Would you mind teaching Yuuri?"

Yuuri groaned. There it was. Yurio finally acknowledged his presence with a glare- or, what began as a glare but quickly morphed into a look of shocked delight.

 _Is the bump on my head that noticeable already?_ But the look vanished just as quickly as it had appeared; Yuuri wondered if he hadn't just imagined it.

"Fine." The blonde grumbled, "Come on, Pork Cutlet. Let's get this over with."

000

Yuuri bent over, panting. They had been drilling the same move for the last hour, and he wasn't sure how much more his body could take.

"That's enough for now." Yurio sniffed.

"That actually works out great!" Yuuri mustered a weak smile, "Victor and I were going to go out for lunch, do you want to come?"

" _Nyet_ , I'm meeting my Grandpa in a few minutes." The teen shrugged.

"Okay, well, thanks for the help." Yuuri gave a small bow before heading for the locker room. He had only been practicing for an hour or so but his feet were already killing him. The lack of sleep had taken a larger toll on his body than he'd expected.

His shoulder muscles ached in protest as Yuuri pushed open the heavy locker-room door. It was going to be a relief to sleep when he got home.

As he changed out of his skates, Yuuri got the distinct feeling that he was being watched. He glanced up only to see a younger skater hastily draw his gaze away. _Seriously, what is everyone staring at?_

Curiosity piqued, Yuuri rose to look in the mirror at the back of his locker. He gasped in horror at his reflection. Someone had hastily scrawled Russian characters across his forehead. A hard lump formed in his stomach. He couldn't help but feel a sense of foreboding that 'Вы действительно перевели это? ;P' wasn't something a person wanted broadcasted across their face.

He fled the room, almost running straight into Yurio.

"What does it say?" Yuuri grabbed onto the younger skater in desperation.

"Took you long enough." Yurio smirked, wriggling free of his rivals grasp.

"What. Does it say?" There was more force behind his words.

"It says 'Property of Vitya'." The blonde chuckled maliciously.

"And you didn't _tell_ me?" Yuuri cried, eyes wide with anxiety. When did Victor even have time to - the nap! He groaned. Victor had planned this whole thing from the alarm clock prank!

"Consider it payback for Hot Springs on Ice." Yurio grinned before pushing past the older man.

"I'm going to kill him for this." Yuuri stalked the halls of the Ice Rink in search of his coach.

000

While Yuuri didn't actually kill his coach, he knew that what he was about to do was equally bad, if not worse.

The tube he was squeezing into Victor's conditioner made a squirting noise as he manipulated more of the pink liquid into the bottle. Victor wanted to bring their prank war outside of the apartment, and that was fine by Yuuri.

He snuck into the bathroom to replace the conditioner bottle in the shower. Just as he was leaving, he met his housemate in the hallway.

"I'm going to shower, then maybe we can watch a movie or something, yes?" The man was completely naked, save for the towel wrapped low on his hips.

"Okay sounds good." Yuuri was having a hard time concentrating on what his coach was saying, much less remembering that he was supposed to be mad at the man. The lines of Victor's body had become more defined since he started training again.

"You can choose, I'll be out in a bit." Victor sailed past his stunned fiancé with a smirk. Yuuri swallowed, ducking into his bedroom with a sigh of relief. Victor had never been shy when it came to putting his body on display, in fact, he seemed to relish in the discomfort he could inspire in his more modest disciple.

Scuffling on the floor outside Yuuri's bedroom signaled Makkachin's entrance. Yuuri patted the bed next to him and the dog joined him obligingly. The poodle settled in next to him as Yuuri scrolled through various titles on Netflix in search of a movie that would satisfy both his and Victor's tastes.

Yuuri hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep when he woke to a shout from the bathroom. He grinned, his prank worked!

"Yuuri." There was a dangerous edge to Victor's voice. Yuuri stretched, wincing at the stiffness in his joints.

"Yes?" He asked as innocently as possible. He deliberately remained in a position which left his back to his housemate, both to maintain a straight face and to draw away suspicion. Just as he closed his eyes, the bed dipped next to him and a hand grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to meet Victor's eyes. And he would have had it not been for the now-violently pink hair falling onto his face.

"Is it permanent?" Was that fear? Yuuri couldn't help but smirk a little at the thought.

"Of course not." He rolled his eyes, "I'm not _that_ cruel." Victor sat back on his heels, releasing his housemate from a vice-like grip. His eyes shimmered with relief and Yuuri couldn't help but laugh at the look of sheer bewilderment on his face.

"Yuuuuuriiiiiiiiiii! This isn't funny!" Victor whined, pinching a lock of neon hair in dismay.

"Are you serious? Have you _seen_ yourself?" Yuuri could barely see through the tears streaming down his face. However, he _did_ notice when a still-very-naked Victor rose from the bed to inspect his appearance in the mirror over Yuuri's dresser.

"Victor, put some pants on!" Yuuri covered his eyes in show of courtesy, though it also helped to hide his blush.

"Fine!" Victor groused, "But this isn't over!" He spun on his heel and glided from the room with dramatic flair. His footsteps pounded especially loud through the apartment for emphasis.

"You're so extra!" Yuuri yelled after him, shoving his face into his pillow with a sigh. Makkachin nudged his arm, wanting to be pet.

"I guess this means movie night is canceled, huh girl?" Yuuri scratched behind the poodle's ear. The dog whined in agreement.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello friends! This chapter took a while to get right, so I hope you enjoy it! In other news, I am looking for an alpha/beta reader. I thought I could get away with self-beta-ing, but I'm tired of going back and realising that I used the word 'certainly' twice in the same sentence. So if anyone is interested, please do not hesitate to message me or leave a comment! Thanks for reading!**

000

 _ **Day 4**_

It was no secret that Victor Nikiforov had a tendency to air toward the dramatic. And so nothing inspired the fear of God in Yuuri like silence from his Fiancé.

Victor seemed to be giving Yuuri the silent treatment after his most recent prank. Initially, Yuuri had found the whole situation to be incredibly amusing – that is, until he remembered that they still had four days left of their prank war. That meant four more occasions in which Victor could avenge his now-blushing roots. Four more times when he could strike Yuuri down with the fury of a thousand Valkyries. Four more days of living in fear of Victor's wrath.

Yuuri had taken to the internet in a desperate search for more prank ideas. One involved supergluing the tab on a soda can so that it couldn't be opened. That would be funny, but Victor didn't drink soda. Another detailed different methods of planting glitter on the blades of a ceiling fan so that it would fly everywhere once turned on. Also amusing, but the flat didn't have a ceiling fan. Then, Yuuri clicked on a particularly interesting one, where-

"Hey, Yuuri." Yuuri slammed the lit of his laptop shut and turned to his bedroom door with as innocent an expression as he could muster, "Oh, h-hey Victor!"

The Russian skater raised an eyebrow at his Fiancé's odd behavior, "I was just going to head down to the rink, and I figured you'd want to come too." His voice was flat and void of any emotion.

"Y-yeah, sounds great!" Yuuri smiled. He didn't get the chance to gauge Victor's response as he turned to leave, closing the door behind him with a soft snick. Yuuri ran an anxious hand through his hair, leaning back in his desk chair.

"I'm screwed, aren't I?"

000

"Okay, but was the headscarf really necessary?" Yuuri grumbled as he laced his skates. Victor was deconstructing his appearance in the locker room mirror. Aside from his usual black practice outfit and trench coat, he had also donned a Chanel headscarf and sunglasses.

"Yeah, you look like a Babushka." Yurio snickered from the opposite bench. He had long since finished changing but decided to stick around once he sensed drama brewing.

"It is entirely necessary!" Victor turned on his heel to face the two younger skaters, "How can I show my face in public when I look like-" He paused for dramatic effect as he ripped the headscarf off, "- a jellybean!?"

"A jellybean?" Yuuri deadpanned while Yurio cackled across from him, "How did you come to that conclusion?"

"You know when you bite a jellybean in half, and there's that little sliver that stretches out and flops over once it breaks away?" He gestured to his fuchsia cowlick with a grimace.

"First of all," Yurio broke in through boughts of laughter, "who eats jellybeans like that?"

"I do!" Victor pouted, "Yuuri knows, right?"

"Actually, no, sorry." Yuuri shrugged apologetically.

"You've wounded me…" Victor pulled a pained face and slumped against the nearest line of lockers, clutching at his chest as though he had been struck.

"Victor, get up before somebody sees you like that!" Yuuri tugged on Victors arm in an effort to rouse him.

"Yeah, get up and learn how to eat jellybeans like a human and not a gerbil." Yurio shot from his spot on the tile floor.

It was at this moment that the door swung open, revealing the anvil-like pompadour of Georgi Popovich. He took exactly three steps forward before he noticed the unfolding scene within.

"I-I missed something, didn't I…" He turned as if to leave.

"Oi, Cassanova!" The room fell silent as Yurio stood and approached the much taller man. Though he had the clear height advantage, Yuuri watched in amazement as Georgi shifted under Yurio's glare. "How do you eat your jellybeans?"

"Come again?" Georgi cocked his head, eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"Jellybeans." Yurio sat back on his heels, "Do you bite them in half and then eat, or just eat the whole thing in one go?"

"Oh, ah, bite in half and then eat, I guess." Georgi attempted to side-step the teen, "Can I get to my locker now?"

"HA!" Victor jumped to his feet, nearly bowling his concerned fiancé onto his back, "Told you!"

"Woah, Victor…" Georgi blinked at Victor's head, "What's with the new cotton-candy look?"

"That means nothing!" Yurio whirled around, leaving Georgi to sidle out through the gap left between him and the wall, "Only that you're both wierdos!"

"Cotton-candy!?" Victor wailed, resuming his position on the cold floor.

"Hey Yurio, that wasn't very- Victor, stop that!" Yuuri tried in vain to shake the five-time world champion off of his leg, where he lay sniveling.

"What's wrong with the way I eat jellybeans?" Georgi's indignant voice rang throughout the locker room.

"It's weird, that's what!" Yurio replied, settling against the wall, hands jammed in the pockets of his hoodie.

"No it's not! Everyone eats jellybeans like that, right Yuuri?"

"Actually, no, I eat mine whole."

"What!?"

"See! Weirdos!"

"Yuuriiiiiiiiiii I look like Cotton Candyyyyyyyyyyy!"

Suddenly, the muffled sound of a toilet flushing echoed off of the tile walls. The four men paused as a sink turned on and then off. Yakov Feltsman pushed past the wooden door leading from the restrooms, barely pausing to spare his skaters a glance. He muttered something about having had hair before becoming a coach as he made his exeunt, leaving the room silent.

"Psh. I don't know why I'm wasting my time with this." Yurio scoffed after a few moments, pushing off the wall to follow his coach.

"I should probably get back to practice as well," Georgi shrugged, heading for the door, "See you boys there!" And with that, Yuuri and Victor were left alone.

"I guess we should get going, too." Yuuri wiggled out of Victors grip so that he could secure his skate-guards.

"I guess." Victor rose, moving to lace his own skates. Yuuri waited patiently as he clicked his skate guards over the custom-made gold blades. When he was finally ready, he stood, casting Yuuri a reassuring grin.

"You know the hair doesn't actually look that bad, right?" Yuuri nudged the taller man as they left in tandem. Victor shot his fiancé a knowing smirk.

"Well, we can't have them thinking that I have no weaknesses, now can we," Victor tousled his cowlick with one hand. Yuuri rolled his eyes. Typical.

000

It wasn't until later on during practice when Yuuri was able to carry out his prank. Yurio had suggested this one, so he knew it would be good. But just when he thought the anticipation would kill him, it happened.

A shrill whistle rang out from the rink. Yuuri turned in surprise.

"What was that?" He asked as people skated off of the ice.

"Victor's about to put on a show." Mila winked, leaning over the guard-rail in eager anticipation.

"Drama queen." Yurio rolled his eyes but he joined her nonetheless. Excitement bubbled in Yuuri's stomach. Showtime.

The ice cleared, leaving Victor crouched in the center of the rink, every muscle tensed for the beginning notes of his free program. Yuuri clicked the 'play' button and held his breath.

And music began to drift from the speakers high above, however, the rousing balalaika bore no resemblance to Victors free program song.

The man on the ice, ever the performer, did not hesitate and rehearsed his routine as normal until the key changed and the song morphed into a funky disco number. Yurio choked on his water, recognizing the tune immediately.

Evidently, Victor did too, and he began to improvise his performance as needed. His audience clapped along in delight at the spectacle unfolding before their eyes. Mila was practically rolling with laughter.

"You realize he hates disco, right?" She managed between gasps. Yuuri merely grinned in reply.

There lived a certain man in Russia long ago.

If Victor did hate Yuuri's song choice, his performance did not reflect it. In fact, he seemed to thrive off of the audience's reaction, his true ingenium as a skater on display. He was bringing elements into his impromptu routine from others he had performed in the past, all with his signature panache. Yuuri recognized a few moves from Eros, and even some from Victor's junior days.

Ra ra Rasputin, lover of the Russian Queen. He slid seamlessly into an outside spread eagle from an intricate step sequence. His head swiveled so that he could wink at his fellow skaters. In that moment, he was the embodiment of the infamous, debauched monk.

"You actually did it!" Yurio gasped. But Yuuri barely noticed the praise, he was so entranced by the performance. He was so engrossed that he missed Yakov's approach until the man snatched the phone from his hands.

The older man mashed the pause button with a meaty thumb, and silence spread throughout the rink.

"You two," He boomed, glancing at Yuuri and then Victor, "In my office. Now."

Victor skated back to the entrance with grace, seamlessly transitioning from the ice to the solid walkway, hooking his ridged fiancé's arm.

"Uh oh, I guess we've really done it now." He winked at Yuuri, who had yet to breathe since his encounter with Victor's surly coach.

They followed the man into his office – really, it was hardly more than a glorified broom closet, but it served its purpose. Yakov had never been one to keep such worldly items as family photos and keepsakes, a sentiment reflected in his near-barren office space. Aside from sparse navy carpeting and a wooden desk, the only décor in the room came in the variety of medals and trophies lining his back wall. This, along with the huge man behind the desk, created a very imposing image indeed.

"This has gone on long enough!" Yakov rumbled. Yuuri hung his head in shame, but Victor only chuckled.

"Oh, but I thought the hair would be a nice compliment to my Phoenix theme! I am re-vamping my image, as it were!" He trilled. His coach remained unimpressed.

"That's not what I'm referring to and you know it." He growled, "If you two can't keep your personal lives out of the rink, then you will have to find someplace else to practice." Yuuri shrunk under the weight of the ultimatum.

"You will stop this childish 'prank war' immediately if you wish to continue skating on my ice," Yakov continued, "And you will each write a note to your fellow skaters to apologize for wasting their time!'

"How- how did you know- "The man cut Yuuri off with a wave of his hand.

"Nothing happens in this rink without my knowledge." Yakov growled, "Now both of you, get out of my sight!"

The two younger men scampered out of their coach's office, barely sparing the curious onlookers a glance of acknowledgement as they left the rink. They paused outside the locker room doors to catch their breath. Victor caught Yuuri's terrified gaze and both skaters dissolved into a fit of laughter.

"I think that was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me!" Yuuri gasped, trembling despite his grin.

"Scarier than that time when you were at the beach and Mari put a crab down your shirt?" Victor chuckled, earning a light smack.

"I thought you said you wouldn't talk about that!" Yuuri pouted, though his eyes maintained an amused sparkle, "And yes, it was."

"Oh hey, I almost forgot!" Victor fished around in his pocket before producing Yuuri's cellphone, "I found this on the floor in the locker room."

"Oh wow, thanks!" Yuuri breathed as Victor handed him the device, "It must have fallen out of my pocket while I was putting on my skates! That could've been bad!"

"You really need to be more careful about where you leave your things," Victor scolded, "You never know who might take them."

At that exact moment, the entire hockey team burst through the locker room doors. The men dwarfed the two figure skaters as they shoved past, teeming with raucous, testosterone-fueled energy. Yuuri felt his heart sink, slowly swiveling his head to face his fiancé. The man held his phone up with an almost evil grin.

"You wouldn't." Yuuri's eyes narrowed. Just then, Victor pressed a button.

I CAN RULE THE WORLD JJ JUST FOLLOW ME-

Yuuri scrambled to turn his phone off as the indelible theme blared. Slowly, members of the hockey team turned to stare. Yuuri squeaked as the phone vibrated in his hands, announcing that Victor was calling him. Once he finally managed to stop the grating theme, the men began to snicker, carrying on their path.

Yuuri turned to glare at his fiancé.

"You should really change your ringtone, Yuuri," Victor smirked, clearly proud of himself, "Or people might get the wrong idea."

"I hate you." The shorter man deadpanned, pushing past his coach.

"No you don't." Victor chuckled, following with a jovial grin.


End file.
